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Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster with a
telephone pole?
A: A twenty-foot cock that wants to reach out and touch someone.
Q: What's the difference between chicken and meat?
A: If you beat your chicken it would die
Q: Why are chickens so ugly?
A: They have a pecker on their face
Q: What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
A: A cock that stays up all night.
Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster with a telephone pole?
A: A twenty-foot cock that wants to reach out and touch someone.
Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster with an M&M?
A: A cock that won't melt in your hand.
Q: Why don't chickens wear underwear?
A: Because their peckers are on their face.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the basket ball court?
A: Because it heard that the referee was blowing fouls.
Q: Why did the punk rocker cross the road?
A: He had a chicken stapled to his face.
Q: What's the difference between hookers and roosters?
A: One says "Cock-a-doodle-doo", the other says "Any-cock'll-do".
Q: What's the difference between erotic and kinky?
A: Erotic is when you use a feather; kinky is when you use the whole
chicken.
Q: What does D.A.M. stand for?
A: Mothers Against Dyslexia
Q: What does D.D.A.M. stand for?
A: Drunk Drivers Against Mothers
Q: What do you do when a female leper bats her eyes at you???
A: Catch 'em and yell "You're OUT!"
Q: Why did the leper fail his driving test.
A: He left his foot on the gas!
Q: Why is one of Helen Keller's legs yellow?
A: Because her dog is blind too.
Q: Hear about the guy who lost his whole left side in an auto accident?
A: He's all right now!
Q: What do you say to a one legged hitch-hiker?
A: Hop in.
Q: What do you do with a dog that doesn't have any legs?
A: Take him for a drag.
Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground beef.
Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: Who cares? He won't come anyway.
Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs, with a ten inch penis?
A: Partially disabled.
Q: What do you call a one-legged Mongoloid who's Polish?
A: "A Polaroid one-step."
Q: What should you do if an epileptic has a seizure in your bathtub?
A: Throw in your laundry.
Q: What did the blind man say when he walked past the fish market?
A: "Evening ladies."
Q: Have you seen Stevie Wonder's wife?
A: Neither has he.
Q: Did you hear about the guy who lost his whole left side in an accident?
A: He's all right now.
Q: Why is one of Helen Keller's legs yellow?
A: Because her dog is blind too.
Q: How did Helen Keller burn her cheek?
A: She answered the iron.
Q: How did she burn the other cheek?
A: The guy called back.
Q: How did Helen Keller's parents punish her when she didn't do her
homework?
A: They stomped on all her braille books with golf shoes.
Q: How do you drive Helen Keller crazy?
A: Lock her in a room with stucco walls.
Q: How did Helen Keller burn her fingers?
A: She tried to read the waffle iron.
Q: How can you tell if Helen Keller has brushed her teeth?
A: By the Gleam in her eye.
Q: How was Helen Keller punished by her parents?
A: They put Saran-wrap over the toilet
Q: You know what they did to Helen when she was REALLY bad?
A: Left the plunger in the toilet!
Q: What did Helen Keller do when she fell off the cliff?
A: She screamed her fingers off.
Q: Why does Helen Keller need two hands to masturbate?
A: One to do the work and the other to moan with.
Q: How did Helen Keller discover masturbation?
A: Trying to read her own lips.
Q: What was Helen Keller's dog's name?
A: Huuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmth!
Q: How did Helen Keller's parents punish her when she was bad?
A: They re-arranged the furniture in her room.
Q: How did Helen Keller's parents punish her when she used bad words?
A: They washed her hands out with soap.
Q: What has a hundred thousand legs and still can't walk?
A: Jerry's kids.
Q: What's the most difficult thing about eating vegetables?
A: Getting them out of the wheelchair.
Q: How can you spot the blind guy in a nudist colony?
A: It's not hard.
Q: Did you hear about the leper who made his living as a gigolo?
A: He was doing great until business fell off.
Q: Why was a time-out called in the leper hockey game?
A: There was a face-off in the corner.
Q: How can you tell if a valentine is from a leper?
A: The tongue's still in the envelope.
Q: How can you tell when a leper poker game is over?
A: When someone throws his hand in.
Q: Why did the leper fail his driving test?
A: He left his foot on the gas.
Q: What's small, green, and falls apart?
A: A leperchaun.
Q: What did the leper say to the prostitute?
A: "Keep the tip."
Q: What do you call a girl with one leg?
A: Eileen.
Q: What do you call a man with no arms and legs sitting in your mailbox?
A: Bill
Q: What do you call a woman with a wooden leg?
A: Peg
Q: What do you call two guys hanging from the wall?
A: Curt and Rod
Q: What do you call a man with no legs?
A: Neil
Q: What do you call a quadriplegic on your doorstep?
A: Matt.
Q: What do you call a quadriplegic in your pool?
A: Bob.
Q: What do you call a quadriplegic in a hole?
A: Phil.
Q: What do you call a quadriplegic on your wall?
A: Art.
Q: What do you call a quadriplegic in a pile of leaves?
A: Russel.
Q: What do you call a quadriplegic going over a fence?
A: Homer.
Q: What do you call a quadriplegic who's just been run over by a car?
A: Patty.
Q: What do you call a quadriplegic at the beach?
A: Sandy.
Q: What do you call a leper in your bathtub?
A: Stew.
Q: How do you stop a Jewish girl from fucking you?
A: Marry her.
Q: What happens to a Jewish man when he walks into a wall with a full
erection?
A: He breaks his nose.
Q: How can you tell if a dirty old man is Jewish?
A: He says, "Hey little girl, wanna buy a piece of candy?"
Q: Did you hear about the new Jewish porno movie?
A: It called, "Debbie Does Nothing."
Q: Do you know the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
Q: How do you say "fuck you" in Hebrew?
A: "Trust me".
Q: How do you cure a Jewish woman of nymphomania?
A: Marry her
Q: What's a JAP's idea of perfect sex?
A: Mutual headaches.
Q: What's a Jewish American Princess's definition of natural childbirth?
A: No makeup.
Q: How was copper wire invented?
A: Two Jews found the same penny.
Q: What's green and hates Jews?
A: Snotzies.
Q: What happens if a Jew with an erection walks into a wall?
A: He breaks his nose.
Q: Why do Jews have such big noses?
A: Air is free.
Q: What is a popular Jewish wine?
A: "I wanna go to Miami...".
Q: What does a Jewish American Princess make for dinner?
A: Reservations.
Q: What's the difference between JAPs and sharks?
A: JAPs don't eat seemen (sea-men).
Q: Did you hear about the new Firestein automobile tires?
A: They stop on a dime, and then pick it up.
Q: What's the difference between Jews and Canoes?
A: Canoes tip.
Q: What's the difference between Jews and pizzas?
A: Pizzas don't scream when you put them in the oven.
Q: What is a Jewish dilemma?
A: Free ham.
Q: Did you hear about the rabbi who did free circumcisions?
A: He only took tips.
Q: How many Jews can you fit in a VW?
A: Two in the front, two in the back, and ten thousand in the ash tray.
Q: How can you tell when a JAP has an orgasm?
A: She drops her nail file.
