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Funny Story

Q: What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with an Atheist?
A: Someone who rings your doorbell for absolutely no reason at all!

Q: How come no one ever came up with any jokes about the Jonestown incident?
A: The punchlines were too long.

Q: What do the Pope and 7-UP have in common?
A: "Never had it, never will."

Q: Why didn't Jesus get into college?
A: He got hung up on his boards.

Q: What do you call a Nun with a sex change?
A: A "Transister"

Q: What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common?
A: They both have balls just for decoration.

Q: What kind of meat does the Pope eat on Fridays?
A: Nun.

Q: Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
A: They keep falling through the holes in his hands.

Q: What's heavenly, white, and falls from above?
A: Kingdom come.

Q: Why can't you circumcise Libyans?
A: Because there's no end to those pricks.

Q: What's the difference between a nun and a woman taking a shower?
A: The nun has hope in her soul.

Q: What did Adam say to Eve on their first evening together?
A: "Stand back! I don't know how big this thing gets!"

Q: What do you get when you cross a nun with an IBM?
A: A computer system that never goes down.

Q: Why did God create men?
A: Cucumbers don't take out the garbage.

Q: Do you know what N.A.A.C.P stands for?
A: "Niggers Are Actually Colored Pollacks"

Q: What do you call a black woman in the army?
A: A WACcoon.

Q: Do you know how break dancing got started?
A: Black kids trying to steal hub caps off of moving cars.

Q: Why do Blacks walk the way they do?
A: Because they spent the first nine months of their lives dodging a coat
hanger.

Q: Why do black women eat watermelon with their panties off?
A: To keep the flies off the watermelon.

Q: What do the Post Office & Kinney's have in common?
A: Both have 30,000 black loafers

Q: What would you call Bo Derek if she were black?
A: A "Ten of Spades"

Q: Why do black guys wear high-heeled shoes?
A: To keep from scraping their knuckles when they walk

Q: How can you tell a black person has been shot in the head?
A: By the hole in his radio

Q: Did you hear that the NFL is going to use green footballs next year?
A: Did you ever hear of a black dropping a watermelon?

Q: Did you hear about Ku Klux Knievel?
A: He tried to jump 18 blacks with a steam roller.

Q: What will they call the first black test tube baby?
A: Janitor in a drum

Q: Why can't little black kids play in sandboxes?
A: Cats keep trying to cover them up

Q: Have you heard about the new black disaster movie?
A: It's called A-pack-of-lips Now

Q: Why is Ray Charles smiling all the time?
A: Because he doesn't know he is black.

Q: How come there were no black people in the Flintstones?
A: They were all apes back then.

Q: What do you call two black motorcycle cops?
A: Chocolate CHiPs.

Q: Why do blacks keep chickens?
A: So the kids can learn how to strut.

Q: What do you call a black with a C.B.
A: Thief! Thief!

Q: What do you call a Negro woman with braces?
A: A Black and Decker pecker wrecker.

Q: What do they call the black Smurfs?
A: Smiggers.

Q: Why does Georgia have blacks while California has Earthquakes?
A: California got first pick.

Q: What is Sickle-Cell Anemia?
A: AIDS for spades.

Q: What do you get when you cross a Black and an Indian?
A: A Sioux named "Boy".

Q: Did you hear about the new dare devil, Ku Klux Knievel?
A: He's going to try to jump over 50 blacks with a steamroller!

Q: Why don't black people make good mountain climbers?
A: Their lips explode at 10,000 feet.

Q: Why are black people always horny?
A: You'd be horny too if your head was covered with pubic hair.

Q: What's the difference between blacks and snow tires?
A: Snow tires don't sing when you put chains on them.

Q: How do you stop a black kid from jumping on his bed?
A: Glue "Velcro" to the ceiling.

Q: What do you call the first black test-tube baby?
A: Janitor in a drum.

Q: What do you get when you cross a black and a Frenchman?
A: Jacques Cousteaudian.

Q: How many blacks does it take to shingle a roof?
A: It depends on how thin you slice them.

Q: How come there are so few black astronauts?
A: They don't like saying "Yes NASA, No NASA...".

Q: Did you hear about the two black guys on "That's Incredible"?
A: One had a job, and the other knew his father.

Q: Why do so many black people wear high heels?
A: So their knuckles won't scrape when they walk.

Q: Why is Ray Charles always smiling?
A: 'Cause he can't see that he's black.

Q: Why do black people smell?
A: So blind people can hate 'em too.

Q: Did you hear that Richard Prior and Michael Jackson are starting a new
scholarship for blacks?
A: It's called "The Ignited Negroes College Fund."

Q: Why do black people have flat noses?
A: That's where God puts his foot when he pulls their tales off.

Q: How can you be sure that Adam and Eve weren't black?
A: Did YOU ever try to take a rib from a black man?

Q: What is tattooed under every black man's lower lip?
A: "Inflate to 200 psi."

Q: What did God say when he made his second black man.
A: "Oops, burned another one."

Q: Did you hear about the black guy who had diarrhea?
A: He thought he was melting.

Q: What is the "Harlem Rap"?
A: "Watermelon, chitlins, Cadillac car
we're not as dumb as you think we is."

Q: Did you hear about the new French restaurant in Harlem?
A: It's called "Chez What?"

Q: Did you hear about the toy store in Harlem?
A: It's called "Toys'B'Us."

Q: What's the difference between a black woman's vagina and a bowling ball?
A: You could eat the bowling ball if you absolutely had to.

Q: What did Kunta-Kinte say when they chopped his foot?
A: "Where my toe-be?"

Q: Whats the most popular pick up line in a gay bar?
A: "Pardon me, may I push in your stool?"

Q: What do you call a gay Indian?
A: A brave fucker.

Q: What do you call 2 gay guys named Bob?
A: "Oral Roberts"

Q: What do gays use rubbers for?
A: Seal-a-meal

Q: What do you call a gay dentist?
A: A tooth fairy.

Q: What do you call a sleeping bag in San Francisco?
A: A fruit roll up.

Q: What do you call two gays?
A: Neal and Bob.

Q: What happens to a man who spends the night at a gay bar?
A: He wakes up with a queer taste in his mouth.

Q: What do you call a Jewish Homosexual
A: A Heblew

Q: What's the difference between a freezer and a fag?
A: A freezer doesn't fart after you pull the meat out!

Q: Did you know that Rock Hudson does not have any friends or relatives?
A: But he has neighbors up his ass.

Q: Who is the saddest faggot in Hollywood?
A: The last one to get a piece of the "Rock".

Q: Did you know that Rock Hudson's insurance got cancelled?
A: He got rear ended too many times.

Q: How can you tell the difference between a straight rodeo and a gay rodeo?
A: At a straight rodeo they yell "Ride them suckers!".

Q: Did you hear about the two fags who had an argument in a gay bar?
A: They went outside to exchange blows.

Q: What are the three things homosexuals like most?
A: To eat, drink, and be Mary.

Q: What's the ultimate in confusion?
A: Fifteen blind lesbians at a fish market.

Q: How do you separate the men from the boys in San Francisco?
A: With a crowbar.

Q: Why are they freezing sperm in San Francisco?
A: It tastes better than fresh squeezed.

Q: What kind of license do lesbians need?
A: A licker license.

Q: How can you tell if a bank robber is gay?
A: When he ties up the safe and blows the guard.

Q: What do you call a fag in a wheelchair?
A: Rolaids.

Q: What do you call two Irish gays?
A: Patrick Fitzhenry and Henry Fitzpatrick.

Q: How about the new breakfast cereal called Queerios?
A: You add milk and they eat themselves.

Q: What's in the air in San Francisco that keeps women from getting pregnant?
A: Men's legs.

Q: Did you hear about the new gay bar in town?
A: It's called "Boys'R'Us."

Q: What do you call a gay Eskimo woman?
A: A Klondike.

Q: Which is better, being born black or gay?
A: Black, because you don't have to tell your parents.

Q: How do you get four gays on a bar stool?
A: Turn it upside-down.

Q: How can you tell if you're in a gay church?
A: Half the congregation is kneeling.

Q: Did you hear about the new Rock Hudson jeans?
A: The zipper is in the back.

Q: Why did Rock Hudson leave home when he was 12 years old?
A: He didn't like the way he was being reared.
Q: Why did he come back?
A: He couldn't leave his brother's behind.

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